Marta de la Reina has known Fina Valero all her life, but she can’t say that she really knows her.
To her, Fina has always been Isidro’s daughter first and later on a hardworking warehouse employee.
Years older than her, Marta remembers being a serious teenager and Fina being the young sunny girl who hang around her beloved father and the workers of the factory, who played with a rag doll and jumped the rope in the yard and who – like her – lost her mother too soon.
She also remembers Fina as the awkward teen who stuttered and blushed hard in the few occasions they interacted with each other.
Marta hasn’t really realised when Fina has bloomed into the beautiful and determined young woman she now is, but as Marta interviews her for the new job, after a first disastrous attempt, she sees this new mature version of Fina and she finds herself liking her.
And when on Fina’s first day, Marta sees the way the new uniform hugs soft curves, the way red lipstick accentuates Fina’s gentle smile and the way Fina is just so eager to do well and repay the trust she’s putting in her, Marta feels a strange pull towards the woman, a desire to really get to know this person who has been around all her life. After years, she even looks forward to spending some of her time in the shop.
.
Marta’s enthusiasm for the new hire has been short-lived.
It’s been days since Fina has started working in the shop and Marta is now fighting a losing battle against the warmth spreading from her chest and pooling in her gut and making her spiral every time she sees or thinks about Fina.
She’s on edge, rattled, and it’s all Petra’s fault. That snake, with her ridiculous accusations and the disgust in her words, painting Fina as an invertida who lusts after women, has tainted her mind and made her lose that composure she’s always taken pride in.
Indulging in her righteous anger and firing Petra for daring to speak ill of a colleague, accusing her of lying and slandering in order to get the job she wanted, threatening repercussions if Petra dared to talk have felt good, but in the need she’s felt so deeply to protect Fina Marta fears there was something else, a truth about herself she’s never even considered before.
And now she can’t look at Fina without searching for proofs in her dark twinkling eyes; she looks at Fina’s mouth and wonders if those lips – red, full and always spreading in a beautiful smile – have kissed another woman’s; she watches Fina being overly friendly with a customer and--
And Marta feels a burning anger and a consuming jealousy and an immobilizing fear, and she can’t help but lash out and bury the confusing mess of her feelings under harsh reprimands and undeserved scoldings in Fina’s direction.
.
Marcos, that smug – albeit talented – photographer, calls her out. He doesn’t just vouch for a fairer treatment towards Fina, but he has the audacity to insinuate that the reason behind her behaviour is an obvious attraction to the woman.
It’s easy to rebuff the accusation, to label his words as absurd, it’s harder to keep lying to herself when others can see right through her and give a name to the feeling she’s succumbing to.
And oh, Fina doesn’t make it easier: she giggles with Carmen, she shamelessly alters her uniform, she talks back without respect, and Marta loses her temper and doesn’t watch her words and sends Fina back to work in the warehouse.
And Marta knows it’s now clear to Fina that she has a problem with her attraction to women. Fina can’t imagine, though, that if she is facing Marta’s caprices it’s because she is making her question everything she knows and everything she is.
.
It is Carmen’s turn then to confront her. Carmen bravely stands up for her friend and her principles and she’s ready to throw away a wonderful opportunity in order to do so.
Well, guess Marta has really found the perfect model for her campaign: a confident modern woman upholding solid values.
And Fina evidently believes it too: it’s Fina’s consent that finally makes Carmen accept the offer, and Marta is glad and wishes she could thank Fina and apologise to her, but right now she can’t even look Fina in the eyes without feeling her whole world crumbling under her feet.
.
This morning she woke up, stared at the empty side of her bed and chocked on the need to start her days looking at a face she loves.
Now she’s writing to Jaime and trying to find the words to ask for her freedom back. Even if legally she can’t stop being Jaime’s wife, would it be so wrong to admit that their marriage isn’t working anymore and amicably part ways, letting him sail the seas without feeling the imposition of calling or coming back home from time to time, letting herself be something more than an anchor and the wife of a man she doesn’t miss, of a man she’s never really being in love with?
Oh, how stupid she was to think that what she’s felt for him when she married him was love…
Her father interrupts her, forces her into a heart-to-heart conversation and pushes her to visit her husband in Naples.
Her first unfinished letter gets thrown out and she writes a new one announcing Jaime her visit.
It’s the right thing to do: she’ll go see her husband, lie in his arms and forget all about her misplaced affection.
She’s a de la Reina after all, she can’t risk her reputation to follow some foolish dream of love.
.
In a lull moment before the end of lunch break, Fina confronts her again.
“Why are you so hard on me?”
The direct question and the gloomy tone shake her. Marta can’t even deny that Petra’s words are somehow responsible for her recent behaviour.
Fina is relentless and refuses to let it go: gone is the nervous girl who admitted to being intimidated by Marta’s presence and replaced by a confident woman who demands to be treated as the hardworking employee she is.
And while ashamed of the rightful call-out, Marta admires this newfound (even if impudent) courage, warms at the compliments Fina rolls out appealing to her inspiring fairness and feels her heart skip a beat at Fina admitting the truth in a roundabout way.
And in this moment, staring at the embers of a fire in Fina’s eyes, Marta knows that she wants Fina more than she’s ever wanted anything in her life.
.
“We all know that you are strict but fair too… I wanted to be like that myself and that’s why it hurts me twice as much when you tell me that I don’t do my job well…”
Fina’s words keep echoing in her head and Marta needs to put a stop to this madness.
She waits for Fina in the shop, ready to put aside her pride and her fear and apologise to Fina at last.
And while she waits, her treacherous mind conjures a beautiful fantasy of a tender and intimate moment with Fina.
Marta lets it linger as she slowly turns to face Fina, refusing to give into an angry panic like she’s done in her last interactions with the woman.
She needs to put some distance between them, though, and quickly moves behind the desk and keeps her hands firmly on the wood, not trusting them not to reach out and intertwine with Fina’s.
Marta admits to being unfair and reinstates Fina as a sales assistant.
She’ll be brave from now on.
.
The press presentation for the new perfume is a success and, in Claudia’s absence, Fina works really hard and at the end of the event Marta can’t help apologising again.
It’s an unexpected trip down memory lane from there. She tells Fina about her first years in her marriage and about her desire to open a bakery in Nice, and they bond over their shared love for pastries and her past birthdays.
She confesses to having never been able to really decide about her life because of her family expectations, just after saying she is now happy about the shop, and Marta realises she is revealing too much, eased by Fina’s gentle smile and curiosity.
She decides to leave before admitting that Fina is the reason why she’s now so happy, before asking her to quit it all and move together to a big city and open their bakery and to let her love her and taste the flavour of a new pastry from the sweetness of her lips.
She even takes out the letter she’s written for Jaime from her purse with the intention of sending it straight away. It falls from her hand, as she tries to make a hasty move to the door.
Fina picks it up and, as she is giving it back, their fingers touch. That lingering touch, the frisson it causes and the charged look they exchange are nothing but damning: Marta is sure that now Fina knows what she’s feeling for her.
“With my husband so far away, at times I forget that I am a married woman.”
It’s a plea to ignore what is going on. It’s an excuse. It’s a confession.
.
Marta throws the letter in the stove. She won’t go to Naples. Not when a probing Digna makes her realise she could be happy on her birthday for once if she spends it with someone she loves, not when she’s baking suizos to make Fina happy when it’s been years since she’s prepared any food for Jaime.
She feels giddy and young and alive when she takes the suizos to the shop and watches Carmen, Claudia and Fina eagerly biting into them and enjoying their taste.
And Fina’s smile and the moment they share only add to the rediscovered joy of baking and honouring her mother by doing so.
And in their growing intimacy, built on touches and secrets, Marta feels like they’re on the verge of something special.
.
On her birthday, Fina comes to her office. They discuss Carmen’s rude behaviour, but Fina isn’t here to excuse her friend’s actions: Fina has a gift for her. And the finely embroidered apron is more precious than anything of value Jaime or her family have ever gifted her. Fina has obviously put some thought and time behind it and Marta appreciates it so much.
Fina helps her put the apron on and her gentle touch and proximity make Marta feel dizzy and full of hope.
Elena enters her office and interrupts their moment and when she leaves, they laugh together at the palpable hostility between Marta and Jesús’ secretary.
Fina gets back to work then, and Marta doesn’t see her until late in the afternoon when she gets in the shop, unable to stay away.
Fina shows her a chipped perfume bottle and laughs at her calm reaction.
“A few days ago you would have accused me of breaking it,” Fina teases her and Marta apologises again.
“It’s okay. We’ve already talked about it, and it’s all sorted out.”
It’s very gracious of Fina to put it all behind her. Marta knows she wouldn’t be so forgiving when faced with such undeserved harshness from a superior, but Fina is generous like that.
Marta tells her to just keep the bottle for herself, and she’s pleased with Fina’s happiness and the warmth in her heart spreads through her body and burns under Fina’s fingers on her wrist, as they smell that same perfume on each other’s skin.
Fina asks about how her birthday is going and Marta dismisses her idea of great celebrations. She mentions the possibility of going to the opera tomorrow night, though, and Fina encourages her not to hesitate and just go with her father, Andrés or Digna.
“And you? Would you like to accompany me?” The question is out of her mouth without much thought.
Spending a whole evening with Fina and listening to some wonderfully moving music together would bring her so much joy. And since Fina has never been to the opera before, there’s no doubt they should go.
“Fina, when you hear those voices, something gets inside you here,” her hands move to her chest, “and you can’t breathe.”
“Like when you fall in love?”
“Something like that…”
Marta has never thought of comparing the opera to falling in love before. Her love for Jaime has never left her breathless, but she is holding her breath as she waits for Fina’s answer.
She’s ecstatic at Fina accepting her invitation.
.
Her father finds her in the kitchen, more focused on daydreaming about tomorrow evening with Fina than on peeling potatoes.
He questions her about Jaime, about not going to visit him in Naples, her avoidance of his calls and her lack of excitement towards his letters.
Marta paints it all as just a wrong impression and forcefully denies placing her affection on someone else.
Her father suggests putting more effort into her marriage, starting from answering Jaime’s call tomorrow.
The conversation leaves her frustrated and shatters her hope for a nice outing with Fina.
.
Her frustration grows the next morning when Jesús jocks about needing to call Jaime to come home and improve her bad mood and when she finds the shop left unattended by Claudia.
Marta looks for her in the dormitory and finds Fina in a beautiful dress and excited about going to the opera.
It’s simply cruel to have everything she wants and needs right in front of her and having to sacrifice it in the name of duty. Jaime is making great sacrifices of his own, though, and she is still his wife and her loyalty is to him.
“Obligations come first, but I thought that for one evening you could postpone them,” Fina rationalises.
“Well, I’m afraid it won’t be possible.”
Because Marta knows it wouldn’t just be for an evening: if she gives in now, if she lets herself taste the happiness Fina can offer her, she’ll never go back to being Jaime’s wife.
.
Before lunch and after a difficult conversation with an emotional Claudia, Marta’s back in the shop and while she waits for Fina to join her, her mind replays their last charged interactions between these walls.
Is she really willing to renounce the joy and the love she feels when Fina’s full attention is on her?
Wouldn’t it be a crime to give up this happiness? Doesn’t she deserve to live it?
She stutters through an explanation to ask Fina to forget about what she’s said before and come to the opera with her.
“You’re right. Sometimes you have to let go of your obligations and live.”
She just wants to live and enjoy life for once. How can it be wrong?
The phone rings: someone is here at the colony for Fina.
As soon as Fina understands who is on the other side of the line, Marta watches her whole demeanour change, hears her tone become bashful and intimate and catches a guilty look in Fina’s eyes.
Fina is so affected by the caller, who is here and ready to eat with her, that Marta just knows she isn’t wrong to think about this mysterious person as someone who is very dear to Fina, someone she’s shared history with, someone who – unlike Petra – might have been receptive of Fina’s affection.
“It’s a friend who lives in Paris,” Fina explains.
And Marta probes for more information about this friend. She wants, needs to know more, and she is disappointed when the name Esther Pérez doesn’t sound familiar despite belonging to an ex-employee: it unnerves her not being able to put a face to the person eliciting such a reaction in Fina, despite being in another country for long.
Fina is clearly looking forward to seeing her again and Marta lets Fina go now for her break with ten minutes to spare in order to fully enjoy her lunch hearing about Paris.
“The truth is that she was very brave going to live there to pursue her dream.”
Marta doesn’t remember ever feeling inferior to someone else. Her family name, her wealth and her character forbid her to feel less than anyone. But this Esther, a woman brave enough to leave her little town and move alone to Paris, a woman who – if she’s really got it right – was brave enough to love Fina as Fina wants to be loved, makes her feel like an insecure little girl in comparison.
But despite what she might feel and think of this woman she doesn’t even know, Fina deserves to happily reunite with her and Marta offers to find someone else to cover her afternoon shift and quickly comes to terms with the fact that Fina won’t go to the opera with her.
She can’t compare with Esther and the opera can’t compare with stories about Paris.
Fina surprises her: she refuses not to work, and she asks at what time they should meet for the recital.
“I thought that with your friend’s visit you’d prefer to take advantage of the afternoon to chat with her…”
She voices her thoughts and Fina’s quick reassurance of her desire to go makes her feel a lot less insecure.
.
At a quarter to nine, Marta is already in the foyer of the theatre. She couldn’t wait another minute, and she hopes that Fina might be early too to enjoy every extra second of their time together.
At 9:04 Fina still hasn’t shown up, and she anxiously keeps her eyes on the door hoping to see Fina in each new arrival.
The show has already started and she is still waiting.
She waits another five minutes, irritated by the sympathetic eyes of the theatre staff who clearly pities her for being stood up. When she can’t stand it anymore, she shows her ticket and lets an usher guide her to her seat.
It’s impossible to enjoy the recital when she is so acutely aware of the empty seat next to her, when she knows that Fina hasn’t come because she’s preferred spending her time with her Parisian friend, after all.
And oh, if yesterday Fina compared the opera to falling in love, now Marta will only ever think of it as heartbreak.
.
When she gets home she helps herself with a glass of something strong and sips at it while she stews in her moodiness.
She was such a fool to get her hopes up, to really think that Fina might choose her over Esther, to think that the unspoken promise of something rich and vivid blooming between them – something she can’t even fully grasp and accept herself – might take precedent over a shared past.
Soon, her father joins her at the kitchen table and her failing marriage is once again the topic of their conversation.
He talks about the need to stoically accept the injustice of having her husband be so far from her, but in her mind Jaime is not even an afterthought and the loneliness that is overwhelming her now is all about Fina.
.
A fitful night doesn’t help to improve her mood, in fact, her melancholy has now turned into anger, and in the rollercoaster of emotions that Fina evoked in her these past weeks, she’s back to square one.
Jesús’ stupid request to hire Elena as a ‘shop manager’ and Claudia not being at work for the second day in a row don’t help either.
Marta can’t even look at Fina without feeling so stupid and hearing her and Carmen coming up with inane excuses for Claudia’s absence – Claudia, who seems to know that Marta is in the business of being made a fool of lately – adds fuel to her anger.
When her eyes catch the phone being off the hook as she moves to the back of the shop and receives no answer about its displacement, she gives Fina her own explanation, “Maybe your French friend called again…”
She’s so jealous she can’t even control her words and saying that makes it so transparent.
In Fina’s curt denial, Marta hears Fina’s impatience with her temper and she can’t really fault her for being annoyed by her everchanging attitude towards her.
.
When she comes back to the shop a few hours later, Carmen has also disappeared. Fina explains her friend’s whereabouts and then apologises for standing her up.
Marta tries to mask her hurt with lies and waits for an explanation that doesn’t come.
“Deep down I appreciate your silence, better than humiliating yourself by making up another excuse like the one about Claudia.”
And Marta shares her own version of the events of the previous night and Fina doesn’t speak, doesn’t deny it.
“I don’t know why I thought that we were starting to be friends… I hope we can keep it cordial on a professional level.”
It hurts to ask that, almost as the sense of betrayal she’s been feeling since last night. It might really be for the best, though. It will certainly be better for her sanity: she might need some time, but she’ll go back to the Marta of before, and while lonely and unhappy, she’ll be unaffected again by the people around her, and she’ll forget the bitter taste of being an afterthought.
And it is absolutely the right choice considering their working position: Marta can’t forget she’s Fina’s boss; she’s in a position of power over Fina and as she watches Fina coming back with a bucket of water and a rag to clean the windows as she herself demanded, Marta realises how easily she could abuse it. And Fina deserves a fair boss.
.
Marta can’t be the level-headed boss Fina needs when her three employees are in front of her insisting on lying to her face about Claudia’s sickness, though. It’s too soon and the burn of Fina’s betrayal still stings.
“I’m not into nonsense.”
It’s a warning, and the angry glares she exchanges with Fina make it clear she’s not just talking about work.
.
“I know you’re upset with me,” Fina calls her out minutes later, and Marta lies and lies again, but she’s being right about Claudia’s unreliability and Fina’s tears can’t keep her from doing what is right for the sake of business.
Fina physically stops her from going to Claudia and firing her on the spot, though. Fina’s hand firmly grips her arm and there’s that spark again that has passed between them at every little touch these past few days, but there’s also some fear in Fina’s eyes for overstepping her boundaries right after Marta has accused her of doing so.
Fina takes a step back and strongly pleads Claudia’s case and Marta forces her to finally tell her everything.
“She tried to take her own life.”
Marta really couldn’t have imagined something that horrifying, and she can’t fathom what went through Claudia’s mind to do something so extreme. Fina is clearly still shaken from seeing her friend like that and confirms spending her evening at Claudia’s side.
“I was angry because I assumed you’d stood me up. If I already felt ridiculous before, imagine now.”
Marta can admit it and stop being an ass.
She hugs Fina, hoping to offer some comfort after her terrible night, and in this first hug Marta forgets all the reasons why putting some distance between them might be good.
.
So, this is Esther.
Marta vaguely remembers her, but the young woman standing in front of her is definitely someone who wouldn’t work in the back of a shop right now: Esther is classy – even if it’s clear it’s not from her upbringing, but because of the refined life she’s now living – and confident in her own skin. With some bitterness, Marta also notices that she’s quite the beauty.
This Esther is professionally accomplished and doesn’t hide herself, and Marta’s jealousy of this woman and what she can offer to Fina reaches a new peak.
“Fina almost came with me last time.”
It’s the confirmation of her suspicion about the nature of Esther’s relationship with Fina, but also a testament of its fragility.
“Well, in the end she stayed,” Marta sounds smug in her own ears. “I suppose she has her roots here, her family, her work. The truth is that I see her very happy here.”
“If that’s right, how come she’s willing to come to Paris with me?”
Oh.
Oh.
Marta feels something breaking inside her, but she forces her face into a smile that hopefully doesn’t look too much like a grimace, and when Fina joins them she tries to act normal. In the effort, she doesn’t even get to be pleased by Fina addressing her simply as ‘Marta’ for the first time.
Marta pretends to be happy for Fina and the new brilliant life that awaits her.
“I haven’t decided anything yet.” Fina insists, but Marta doesn’t doubt that she’ll leave, as she should.
“Then don’t hesitate. Opportunities like these cannot be refused.”
She can’t say her goodbyes soon enough.
She flees the shop.
.
Esther seeks her out in her office and Marta tries to stand straight and hide her discomfort.
Esther wants to talk about Fina and Marta underplays their relationship as just a professional one, strengthened only by the years of Isidro’s work for her family and her help in promoting Fina in her work.
Marta’s pretty sure it’s useless: Esther seemed to have sensed there’s something more going on, something that turned their first interaction into some sort of duel between rivals.
Esther acknowledges Marta as someone who Fina trusts, and asks her to help Fina make up her mind by making it clear that Fina is not in her debt and doesn’t need to stay.
“I’ve never stopped Fina from doing what she wants,” Marta states defensively. “If she wants to leave, be it.”
Esther stresses the importance of the opportunity she’s offering Fina to really be herself, to live a life that won’t be made miserable by the prejudice of the small-minded people of Toledo. And of course Fina deserves to live freely, she deserves the whole world, but she has to be the one to choose the life she wants to live and where she wants to live it; Marta won’t be bullied by Esther – who obviously has something to gain from Fina coming with her in Paris: her love for Fina is written all over her face – into making a decision for Fina.
“Tell me I’m wrong. That living here is not a sentence for someone like her,” Esther insists, and Marta can’t deny that Fina won’t ever be free to be herself here.
“Fina values your opinion. Think carefully about what is the best advice you could give her.”
There’s only one right thing she needs to say to Fina: ‘Go to Paris. Be free. Be happy.’
But can she really do that?
.
Marta looks at Fina and she just can’t.
She comes up with the idea of a television advertisem*nt to help with the sales of the new perfume, and she says she wants Fina to be in it along with Carmen, hoping it might make Fina want to stay.
“Well, maybe I won’t be here anymore when the ad comes out.”
Yeah, the prospect of fame wouldn’t stop Fina. But Fina is undecided and Marta probes, “Your friend, Esther, was very sure that you would accompany her, but I saw you hesitate.”
“There are things that keep me here,” Fina says – almost asks – while moving closer to her.
Marta wishes she could openly say she’s one of those things, wishes that what they have now could be enough to make Fina want to stay and forget all about Paris.
“Your father, right?”
Fina scoffs and sounds almost disappointed at Marta’s words, like she also wanted Marta to admit that she is one of the reasons to stay.
But Marta isn’t brave, she’s not Esther, and she can’t be what Esther can be for Fina. She’s a married woman, and she’s never been with another woman before. God, she’s never even been in love until now, and she’s so afraid of giving into her feelings and letting another person dictate her happiness.
Fina asks about her opinion, though, and Marta repeats what she’s told Esther: it is a decision Fina has to make on her own.
Fina admits having thought about Esther’s proposal for long after her friend left, but being unable to leave and give her father such displeasure. And now Fina fears that simply by not wanting to get married she might upset her father so much more.
“It’s time I start thinking about myself. And according to Esther, living in a city as modern as Paris would be the best thing that can happen to me.”
“Maybe she’s right,” Marta concedes.
“But there are more things that are keeping me here besides my father. And I believe that I could see myself working here all my life and being equally happy.”
Marta wants nothing more than Fina to stay and be truly happy, but in Fina’s words and in her soft eyes there’s that challenge again: Fina is asking her to admit that she could play a part in her future happiness and Marta just can’t.
“This is not Paris, Fina. And no one can offer you what Esther can offer you.”
It is the simple and devastating truth. Marta might even find the courage to love Fina one day, but they’d be here, in Toledo, under their families’ eyes and they would never have the freedom Fina can have in Paris.
And even if her heart breaks and her throat tightens around the plea to stay she’s desperate to voice, Marta readily refutes the reasons Fina brings up why moving might be hard – the language, the loneliness – and assures her that, even if Fina could always come back here, she won’t because she’ll be happy to have found her place.
“It’s a shame to have to go so far to do that.”
And in Fina’s sad eyes Marta finds a reflection of her own longing to be each other’s places.
When she feels the tears coming, she adverts her eyes and busies herself with putting away the pencil she’s been tightly gripping during this whole exchange.
Fina thanks her for giving her honest opinion and Marta feels like a fraud.
“You have to be happy, Fina. There is nothing I want more.”
If that means sacrificing her own chance of happiness and lying about her real desires, Marta can accept it.
In the warehouse she finally lets her tears flow.
.
A storm rages outside in the night, like the one in her heart. Fina will be gone in the morning and the excitement and the hope Marta’s been feeling these past few weeks will be gone along with her.
She gets tired of turning in her bed, and she goes to the kitchen for a glass of water, or something strong that might help her sleep.
The lights are on and Fina is there. A last chance to talk to her before she leaves.
A glass of water it is, then.
“I guess you’ve already packed your bags.”
“I’m not leaving.”
It should be wonderful news and her heart briefly rejoices at hearing this, but something is clearly wrong: Fina’s voice and posture scream it.
Marta is shocked and so sorry to hear that Fina’s father is dying and that he doesn’t want Fina by his side during this time. She takes Fina in her arms and tries to comfort her and reassures her that her father will surely want her beloved daughter with him in the end.
Fina thanks her, but it’s Marta who feels grateful for having the chance to be there for her. She’ll do everything in her power to help Fina during this hard time.
They hold each other’s eyes and the moment feels charged like never before, and they instinctively move closer to one another.
They’re almost kissing, when Marta’s senses get overwhelmed by the smell of citrus and not the familiar scent – even if faded in memories – of Jaime’s cologne and a sudden panic grips her.
She can’t kiss Fina. This isn’t right. She’s not ready for what it means, for her whole life to change.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t.”
Marta flees the kitchen, and in the darkness of her own room she tries to convince herself that her feelings for Fina are just the result of a desperate loneliness and that she’s just mistaking her need for companionship with something else for someone who has shown her affection when no-one around her has done it so freely in a long time.
.
The day after, Marta manages to avoid Fina until late in the morning when she sees her kneeling in front of a shelf putting products on display. She’s very tempted to ignore her, but Fina is clearly in distress and Marta asks her if she’s okay and sees the tears in Fina’s red eyes when she kneels at her side.
Isidro is making it really difficult for Fina to take care of him and Marta wishes she could help her. It’s instinctual for her to put a hand on Fina’s shoulder and offer the only comfort she can give, but Marta soon realises what she’s doing, remembers last night and what almost happened in the exact same scenario, and quickly takes her hand back and apologises.
“You do these things and make me believe that we have a relationship of trust, of intimacy. But then you go and run away. You confuse me, Marta.”
Fina has every right to feel confused: confusion is all Marta has been feeling these past few weeks and Fina is the one paying the consequences of her jumbled emotions.
“Last night, I--” Marta tries to offer an explanation, but Fina interrupts her.
“I know you’re a married woman. I know that. And I know that this is very difficult for you, but I don’t want to suffer anymore.”
“I don’t want you to suffer,” that’s the last thing Marta wants, in fact. “I’ve never felt anything so special for anyone, but what I feel for you… it’s not what you would like.”
It doesn’t matter if the words feel like a lie: she’s not in love with Fina, she’s been enjoying their new friendship, the attentions Fina offers her in this long time of solitude, but that’s all, and Marta restates it when Fina brings up the looks and the smiles they’ve shared.
“I understand you. There are certain things that are very hard to assimilate, especially in this country, where we have to live hidden.”
And Marta stiffens in reaction to Fina’s words. There’s no “we”.
“I’m not like you, Fina.”
She doesn’t love women like that. She doesn’t.
“I’m not judging you, nor will I ever judge you… and I’m so sorry for making you think that this was more than a friendship.”
Fina – admittedly wounded in her pride – asks for some distance, and Marta can accept this more than reasonable request; she even offers a transfer and the quick acceptance Fina expresses if only it weren’t for her father’s health hurts her.
Marta has just condemned herself to returning to her lonely life and in a bout of desperation she decides to call Marcos.
.
Marcos enters her office an hour later.
“You were wrong to assume my tastes are different. They aren’t.”
Marta makes it clear with her words and with her actions: she offers him a glass of whiskey, makes him her proposal about a new campaign, and she does it while playing the perfect seductress.
Marcos is a good-looking man, he’s pleasant and bold and his interest in her is out in the open. It feels good to be desired and not be emotionally involved. She’ll enjoy his company, and she’ll pretend she’s not using him to forget about the person for whom her heart beats so loud these days, to move past her little identity crisis, to help her reaffirm her attraction to men and only men.
Yet, as he moves closer to her – his intentions clear – while they’re looking at some pictures, Marta feels suddenly uncomfortable. She’s about to ask him to move away, when the office door bursts open and her father enters, a disgruntled expression appearing on his face at what he’s interrupted.
Marta plays it cool, and after her father leaves, an awkward Marco takes his leave too.
.
“Are you being unfaithful to your husband?” Her father asks later, and Marta should’ve expected it.
She’s unnerved by her father’s intromission into her private life, into her marriage, but she feels proud to state that she’s never cheated on Jaime – despite the distance and coming second to his work, and a brief lapse of judgment on her part – and she stands her ground while faced by a questioning that her father wouldn’t put Jesús or any other man through.
“This family has enough problems without you poisoning the situation even more.”
“There it is. The only thing that matters to you is appearances.”
She doesn’t know why she keeps expecting more – more affection, more care, more understanding – from her father and sets herself up to be disappointed every time.
Preserving the family name from a possible scandal is all that he cares about.
But deep down, Marta knows that she’s guilty of that herself: she’s trying to deny her feelings, to deny herself of what she wants, by making up shaky excuses, and one of the reasons is the fear of tarnishing her reputation, of losing her status and being socially ostracised, if her love for a woman were to be discovered.
.
In the morning, Marta finds herself early in the shop, discussing with her brother what they learned last night.
Fina comes in early too and Andrés takes his leave.
When Fina makes to join Carmen and Claudia in the warehouse, Marta stops her.
“I don’t want to be alone.” She is still shaken by what her father and Jesús revealed and Fina’s presence is a great comfort.
“Me neither.”
Fina explains how she spent the night at the dispensary with Isidro and Marta is so sorry about his health and the pain Fina is going through: Marta remembers the terror and the sense of loss she felt when her own father was on the edge of death.
A copy of their last exchange is what follows: the same gesture of comfort, the same dip into temptation, the same reaction from Fina who asks again for some distance.
“Although I can’t offer you what you want, it doesn’t mean we’re not friends.”
It’s not what they established yesterday, but Marta can’t help herself, can’t just treat Fina as a simple employee, not when Fina’s going through something so terrible like slowly losing her father. Fina is firm in her decision, though, and refuses to be at her whims.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to help.”
“I know you’re not doing it with bad intentions, but you confuse me, and you hurt me.”
She is hurting herself too, with this whole charade, this denial of her feelings for Fina. Marta wishes she could just be brave, admit to herself and to Fina that she’s madly in love with her, consequences be damned.
But she can’t.
.
“Gaspar and Fina have started dating.”
Marta has insisted on knowing what Claudia meant by suggesting Fina might come back late from her break because of Gaspar and Claudia’s answer has blinded her.
It’s clearly not possible. It must be a misunderstanding.
Why would Fina suddenly be with Gaspar?
Fina doesn’t like him. She doesn’t like men.
Is it to hide her true identity? Has someone made her fear she was about to be discovered and exposed?
Is it to get a reaction from her? To punish her for rejecting her?
Marta’s going over every possibility and feels an irrational jealousy mounting inside her when Marcos enters the shop.
She doesn’t remember making an appointment with him and his presence brings her back to her behaviour during their last interaction, and she doesn’t like the reminder of her foolishness.
“I was just in Toledo and, well, after your father showed up the other day in the office I was worried about how he could’ve taken that.”
“Everything’s fine. But you could’ve called, you didn’t need to come.”
Marcos brings up the job they discussed last time, and she has to admit that it’s not going to happen.
Marcos honestly voices his intentions, and Marta owns him the same sincerity and turns him down.
“I am a married woman and this isn’t going to happen.”
“When you called me the other day, I got the feeling that there was more to it than work.”
“Sure,” Marta can’t deny it. “I got carried away. I’m sorry if I confused you.”
It seems to be the only thing she does these days: stringing along Fina and Marcos and leaving them to try and understand what she’s really feeling.
“Is this really because you’re married?”
Marcos can’t let it go, he implies again that she’s interested in someone else, and she’s really annoyed by his insistence.
Her blunt and forceful rejection makes him finally back down and leave.
She won’t see him anytime soon. Good.
.
She is still unnerved by Marcos’ visit, when Fina finally decides to come to work and Marta’s mood turns sourer.
“Is something the matter?”
Fina asks because of her rude tone.
“Look, Marta, I don’t know what’s wrong with you today.”
Fina moves into the warehouse, and Marta can’t help but follow her and confront her.
“I found out you’re dating Gaspar.”
Fina tries to offer an explanation, but Marta is too far gone: she’s angry at Fina, but mostly at herself for being a coward, for not asking for some time to come to terms with her feelings instead of distance, for probably missing her chance with Fina, and she’s getting crazy imagining Fina with someone else…
“You’re married,” Fina uses that as an excuse to stop her accusations.
But it’s different. And her surname has nothing to do with it: Marta got married years ago, and she didn’t know better at the time; Fina is choosing to be with a man, despite being so sure of who she is.
“Look, enough already. You have your private life and I have mine. That’s clear,” Fina is incensed and reinforces the boundaries they’ve established before.
“And why are you so interested in knowing who I’m dating and not dating?”
And that’s such a stupid question. Fina knows very well why and playing stupid doesn’t become her. Being so impassioned and unafraid of going head-to-head with her really becomes Fina, though, and it’s so unfair how furiously attractive Marta finds her in this moment.
It makes Marta crazier and at the apex of the madness Fina evokes in her, Marta takes Fina’s face into her hands and just kisses her.
It’s not the shock to the system she imagined; the soft lips under her own don’t taste like danger or damnation. The kiss tastes like home and rightness, and she wants to do it again and again, and hopes that Fina wants that too.
“Does this answer your question?” Marta is surprised she can actually form words, and a cheeky reply at that, but leaves the warehouse before Fina can say anything.
.
Marta finds refuge in her office, but Fina doesn’t leave her mind, and she finds herself looking at one of the pictures Marcos has taken, portraying a beautiful Fina in black and white.
Marta fears she’s overstepped. It was on her to make a move, to take back her denial of her feelings, but Fina might have thought things through since their almost kiss and actually found it better for them to be friends at most. Fina might think it’s better not to deal with a woman who is hot one moment and cold the next, bold at times and usually fearful, a woman who has no experience of love; better to spend time with Gaspar, instead!
Fina comes to her office and Marta doesn’t know what to expect.
“I’d like to explain to you about Gaspar.”
“I have no right to get into your life--”
“I loved that you kissed me,” Fina interrupts her with the sweetest words, and pure joy fills Marta’s heart.
Fina explains that she is just pretending to be with Gaspar in order to make her father happy, and Marta is relieved, but makes her displeasure known: Fina can’t mislead Gaspar and deceive her father with this farce.
“And you, how did you do it with your husband when you got married?”
But Marta didn’t deceive anyone when she got married, she thought she was in love with Jaime and if it weren’t for Fina and the feelings she’s awaken in her, Marta would still believe that what she’d felt in the first years of her marriage was real love and that the passionless way she loved Jaime was the only way she was capable of love.
“I couldn’t imagine that you could feel something like that… and much less for a woman.”
And if Fina has been Marta’s awakening, Marta thought that someone else – Esther, maybe? – was Fina’s, and she’s surprised to hear Fina say that she’s known since she was a child that she liked women.
Marta would’ve never guessed it, and she really feels like she’s seeing the world for the first time, shredding years of ignorance and oppressive teachings, and she’s so out of her depth.
“What do we do now, Fina?”
Fina has done this before, and Marta needs her to take the reins.
“We get away from here, away from everyone.”
They can’t exactly run away, but they can find a way to be together, alone, and Marta has the perfect opportunity, “Tomorrow, I’m going to Madrid…”
And Fina is eager and reassures her about their need to be careful.
“I hope you can fix the situation with Gaspar as soon as possible,” it would bother her to be with Fina while she’s publicly in a relationship with that man.
“And I hope your husband doesn’t show up at your brother’s wedding…”
Oh, Marta has to admit that she hasn’t written to him to announce the news: Jaime has really been so far from her mind these past few days.
“And do you still have doubts?” Fina asks gently, and Marta knows that if she were to say that she’s still unsure, still figuring out what it all means, Fina wouldn’t press and would offer her more time and all her patience. But Marta is sure: she loves Fina, and she’s so lucky that Fina wants her back; she won’t waste another second in fruitless denials.
She moves to the door and checks that no one is anywhere near the office and then walks back to Fina, who stands up and kisses her tenderly.
Marta’s heart swells with a love that leaves her breathless, and she looks at Fina and she’s amazed by the beauty and the kind soul of this woman.
They say their goodbyes and Marta spends her whole afternoon replaying their kiss in her mind and forcing herself to stay away from the shop and away from Fina.
.
Marta only sees Fina late in the evening, when she’s going into the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Fina is hugging Gaspar, and it doesn’t look like Fina’s putting an end to their farce. It upsets her and Marta fears that, because Fina loves her father so much, she will keep up this charade indefinitely.
She is still upset in the morning, and she decides to go to Madrid with Carmen; she’ll get her chance to travel and be with Fina once Gaspar is out of the picture.
She comes early into the shop to let Fina know of her decision and ends up helping her to make a gift basket. Fina is being flirty – finally without restraint now that their mutual attraction and affection have been acknowledged – and Marta can’t enjoy it.
She informs her of the change of plan and sees the disappointment on Fina’s face.
“You’re upset with me,” Fina points out, and Marta finds herself denying it at first and then explaining how she saw Fina with Gaspar last night and thought it better to keep some distance until that’s sorted.
Fina says she’s trying to end things, but it’s been difficult, and Marta knows too well how easy it can become to keep living a lie, “You go on and on and then think: well, why now? And you keep going until one day, one day all you can do is stay in the cage.”
A cage is all her marriage has been in the last few years, and she’s accepted to stay there and made herself comfortable behind bars made out of duties and loneliness, because it was easier than face reality and break free. But Fina needs to be smarter than her and quit this stupid charade, albeit different in its form, as soon as she can.
“Don’t delay it any longer… Listen to me.”
.
The emotional exchange and the compassion she’s seen in Fina’s expression make her search for Fina in the canteen, during her break.
“I’d like to buy you a coffee… I feel a little bit iffy after our last conversation.”
Fina doesn’t get to join her at the table, though: Marta leaves when she sees Fina and Gaspar holding hands, and realises that Fina clearly has no intention of ending her deception.
But Marta’s impression was wrong. Fina comes from the canteen and happily announces she’s told the truth to her father.
Marta is relieved and jokes about Fina falling in love with Gaspar for real, since he was “so incredible”.
“No, Marta, no. I know perfectly well what I feel,” Fina answers seriously, and Marta suddenly feels dejected: Fina might have come clear to her father about Gaspar, but Isidro won’t ever know that her daughter is really loved and will be taken care of for as long as Fina will let her.
“It’s a shame that we’re not free to shout the whole truth from the rooftop,” Fina voices her feeling, but their love must be lived in secrecy; there’s no other way.
“Now, Marta, I want to make things clear with you.”
Fina makes sure they’re alone in the shop, moves closer to her and grips her wrist.
There’s something so electric and addictive in Fina’s touch; it always stuns her and makes it hard for her to focus on anything else.
Carmen’s voice interrupts Fina before she can say anything, though, and they sprint apart.
When Carmen laments having to stay longer today to finish her work, Marta gets the perfect excuse to say she’s bringing Fina to Madrid.
They’ll finally get to have some privacy.
.
It’s not a pleasure trip (not in its entirety at least), it’s a business one, but moving around Madrid and talking to the director and to the window dresser at the Arenal store surely become less tedious with Fina at her side.
Marta immensely enjoys Fina’s company, seeing her with her hair down, and not being addressed as ‘doña Marta’ for hours.
The afternoon goes by quickly, and Marta suggests they leave the city and stay in a hotel in Illescas in order to make it on time tomorrow.
There’s a palpable tension building between them, and giving into their attraction and their desires seems the inevitable outcome.
They can’t get to the hotel soon enough.
It’s embarrassing having to pretend to be cousins to ask for a single room, but it’s something Marta will need to get used to in order to protect themselves.
Now she is waiting for Fina to come back into the room. She is about to share a bed with her, and she’s terrified. She doesn’t know what’s expected from her, what to do: she’s never been with a woman before! And she’s not good at intimacy: sex with Jaime has always been a disappointment for both of them, and she doesn’t want to give Fina a good reason to rethink their relationship.
Marta tries hard to put away her worries when Fina kisses her with passion; she even starts to unbutton her shirt, but her shaking hands don’t collaborate much, and Fina helps her. Marta stops her at the third button down.
“I’m a mess,” she admits.
“I know. It’s normal. It’s all very new.”
Marta will always be grateful for Fina’s patience.
They laugh about her nerves and the excuse of a trip to Madrid they can reuse with Carmen, and it helps a little.
“We can wait whatever it takes,” Fina reassures again.
“I am where I want to be and who I want to be with,” Marta makes it clear. She might be scared, but she loves being here with Fina.
Fina makes them sit on the bed, and Marta admits she might need some time and voices her fear about disappointing Fina as she did with Jaime with her performances in bed.
Fina stops them from talking about men and offers a solution, “Fear is fought with a lot of affection.”
“And lots of kisses,” Marta adds and kisses Fina, but soon, still clutched by fear, breaks them apart. “I’m breaking the mood.”
Fina soothes her worries, “Just looking at your eyes is enough for me. I finally have doña Marta in my arms.”
And Marta first reprimands her – she won’t let Fina call her that when not necessary: it’s an unpleasant reminder of their different status – and then, guided by her curiosity, asks, “When did you first notice me?”
Fina moves to lie on the bed next to her, and confesses she’s always admired her. It’s surprising to hear, and her fears disappear with every compliment and new admission. Marta is not too pleased to be described as ‘distant’, but she’ll accept it since Fina now wants her so close.
It’s Marta’s turn then to answer Fina’s question about what she likes about her. She lists every little thing that comes to her mind and Fina stops her halfway through.
“I don’t ever plan to stop. I want to know everything about you, every detail, every corner.”
Marta really wants to learn everything about Fina, and keep adding items to the list of things she loves about her. And being given the chance to do it is such an incredible gift.
“Is it really okay if we just hug each other?” Marta asks. She feels more comfortable now, but she’s still not ready for more.
“No rush. We have our whole lives ahead of us.”
It’s a beautiful promise.
Marta kisses Fina again and then turns around and lets Fina’s arms encircle her. She’s never felt more content in all her life.
They stay like that for long, sharing a few words at times – oh, how wonderful it feels to have Fina’s sultry voice whispering in her ear – but nothing of importance.
Fina suggests then that they get out of their clothes and move under the cover.
“It’s late. We might try and get some sleep.”
As they undress, Marta feels her nerves spiking up again. She feels vulnerable with that much skin on display and ready to be scrutinised and found lacking. It’s stupid, she knows: Fina is safe, and she is there with her beautiful smile and her tender look, lifting the covers for Marta to get under.
She does and as soon as she turns off the lights, Fina’s arms are immediately back around her. Marta settles in the warmth that engulfs her, and a shiver runs through her body as she feels Fina’s breasts pressing against her back. It’s definitely a new sensation, but tonight it’s nothing but a confirmation of the enjoyment she can get from the body of another woman.
It’s not long until Fina’s breath gets heavier and Marta tries to follow her into sleep, but she just can’t. She’s too excited, too happy, and she doesn’t want to miss a second of this bliss.
At a certain point in the night, Marta turns, filled with the need to look at Fina. It’s still dark, and her eyes barely make out the contour of Fina’s features, but as minutes pass, light starts to filter into the room and Fina’s face is slowly revealed in all its beauty.
Marta’s heart feels thrice its size.
It’s soon time to get up and start their journey back home. She wakes Fina with gentle caresses.
As soon as sleepy eyes catch hers, a radiant smile forms on Fina’s face and Marta feels so loved.
“What time is it?”
“A little after six.”
Fina groans and hides her face in Marta’s chest.
“Did you sleep well?” Fina asks, and Marta is embarrassed to say she hasn’t closed an eye in order to savour the whole night and opts for a white lie.
“Yeah, you?”
“Best sleep in a long time.”
Fina leaves a kiss on her neck and then gets up and makes her way to the bathroom.
They get ready in silence and slow motions, trying to postpone the moment they have to leave. Before Marta can open the door and shatter the little world they’ve created for themselves in this hotel room, Fina stops her, takes her face in her hands and kisses her hard.
“Now, we can go!”
Marta is left dizzy and wanting and suddenly determined to offer herself completely to Fina.
.
“It was the best night of my life,” Marta has confessed in a stolen moment before the shop opened, and through her morning she can’t stop thinking about it.
She knows this happiness comes with awful conditions: it can’t be shared with anyone but Fina, it can be overshadowed by moments of pure panic (like when Carmen insinuated there was ‘more than just work’ in Madrid) and it can be the cause of their downfall, if they’re not careful.
And she knows that in a few hours, while attending Andrés’ wedding and seeing two happy lovers promising a future together to each other, she is going to feel Fina’s absence so strongly.
Oh, it could be so simple going with Fina if people just minded their business and learned not to judge the choices made by others.
But none of this matters. When she kissed Fina for the first time, she decided to be brave and accept what this love entails, and she won’t go back now; she won’t live again the lonely and grey days of before, now that she’s tasted such bliss.
She really tries to focus on the numbers in front of her, but it’s impossible when she keeps looking at the door and waiting for Fina to come and save her from these stupid accounts. And finally, Fina does.
Talking about the wedding forces them into a conversation about the secret nature of their relationship and Fina – more experienced in what it means to hide her love – is adamant about the hardship they’ll face.
But Marta has spent the morning thinking about it all, and she voices her conclusions to Fina, “I’ve never felt so alive or so strong in my life… I don’t want to give it up.”
Together, they’re ready to face whatever may come their way.
.
The ceremony is wonderful, Andrés is a handsome groom and María is just radiant, but Marta soon tires of the celebrations and being asked and pitied about Jaime’s non-attendance. The reminder of her husband and what her marriage has become is unpleasant, and she realises she sounds so bitter while talking with Begoña about married life.
And as she imagined, she’s missing Fina at her side. So much.
Following the spontaneity she’s learnt these past few weeks, she calls the shop, as soon as Begoña leaves her alone.
Fina is surprised to hear from her, but readily accepts to meet at the hotel in Illescas.
Marta steals a bottle of champagne and manages to leave the party without being seen.
.
Marta waits alone for so long in the same hotel room as the day before.
She finally lays eyes on Fina, and Marta feels giddy and young, and she’s really the happiest she’s ever been.
They laugh without restraint and drink to the scandal of their loud and carefree fun, and the fear that paralyzed Marta last night is completely forgotten.
The sip of champagne has nothing to do with the warm and bubbly feeling in her gut or the rush of elation running through her. It’s all on Fina and her beauty and her love.
“With you, I’m learning to feel alive again. To love.”
And in her words and in her next moves there’s clear intention. She won’t waste another second. She needs Fina, she needs to satisfy her desire to touch her and be touched, to be as close as possible to her, to express her feelings with fervent kisses and ardent caresses, to finally live intimacy as a shared pleasure.
“Marta, are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Marta is sure, and at ease. And if her hands start to shake moments later, when they’re already lying on the bed and she’s unbuttoning her shirt, it’s not with nerves but with desire.
Soon, lips and teeth follow the path traced on smooth naked skin by smouldering gazes, short nails bite into soft curves eliciting loud sighs and broken cries, and reverent touches deliver a never-felt-before ecstasy.
Later, in Fina’s tight embrace, Marta feels like a new woman: the armour she’s always worn around people lies shattered on this hotel room floor (she’ll have to put it on again to protect this love, and she’ll try to do it valiantly), while the once-broken dream of a pure connection with another soul is finally fulfilled.
Happy tears trace her cheeks, and when Fina notices them she kisses them away until they stop coming.
“You’re the best thing that’s happened in my life,” Marta really can’t describe Fina in other words.
Fina kisses her chastely. “I’m glad you’ve found the courage to give us a chance.”
“So am I.”
Fina kisses her again, and moves them back into an embrace that is already becoming so familiar.
Marta is spent: she’s never felt so many happy emotions so intensely all in one night, and sleep will not elude her this time.
She pushes her body closer to Fina’s and sighs with contentment.
And oh, forget Luis’ creations, the smell of Fina’s skin might just become Marta’s favourite.
